A Miner's Tale

Annoying came into the world as a miner's son. He loved the sparkle of iron and diamonds in the light, this was no surprise to his parents, they believed it was natural. A miner's son should love the underground world, but Annoying soon became obsessed with ores, minerals, gems,and rocks of all types. He was punished for being out of the cave system and his parents would put him in a room of blank stone. Occasionally they would peek their heads in and find Annoying curled up on the floor chuckling and picking at the rock with a fingernail. Annoying got his name because he was always getting into trouble. His parents forgot the name they had given him at birth and christened him with a new name. One rotation, as they did not use the sun's movements to track time, Annoying wandered out with his father's diamond pick, a loaf of bread and some water. His parents found him sitting in a cave full of Magma on a rock pillar he had made himself. He sat there laughing as a dark figure whispered to him across the cave. They could not see the figure but he had a rough gravelly voice as if he did not use it often and had spent his entire life in solitude. Annoying began to make his way to the figure and his parents screamed for him to come back but Annoying cursed at them and told them to leave him alone. The figure said in his deep voice
"He will make a fine addition to our Brotherhood.... He is truly a miner's son."

Annoying was raised from the age of six by the ultimate miner, Raijouta. He learned to shaft and strip mine at a young age and grew muscled and strong for swinging picks and lifting heavy loads. The Brotherhood of Magma grew and Annoying grew with it. Annoying has come to resent his name and instead prefers to be called 63 or 309, his two favorite numbers. 63 still has a tale to tell as he forges the rest of his life in the Mines...


I'm looking for Constructive Criticism here and or suggestions.

Minecrafter309

Minecrafter309 wrote:Annoying came into the world as a miner's son. He loved the sparkle of iron and diamonds in the light, this was no surprise to his parents, they believed it was natural. A miner's son should love the underground world, but Annoying soon became obsessed with ores, minerals, gems,and rocks of all types. He was punished for being out of the cave system and his parents would put him in a room of blank stone. Occasionally they would peek their heads in and find Annoying curled up on the floor chuckling and picking at the rock with a fingernail. Annoying got his name because he was always getting into trouble. His parents forgot the name they had given him at birth and christened him with a new name. One rotation, as they did not use the sun's movements to track time, Annoying wandered out with his father's diamond pick, a loaf of bread and some water. His parents found him sitting in a cave full of Magma on a rock pillar he had made himself. He sat there laughing as a dark figure whispered to him across the cave. They could not see the figure but he had a rough gravelly voice as if he did not use it often and had spent his entire life in solitude. Annoying began to make his way to the figure and his parents screamed for him to come back but Annoying cursed at them and told them to leave him alone. The figure said in his deep voice
"He will make a fine addition to our Brotherhood.... He is truly a miner's son."

Annoying was raised from the age of six by the ultimate miner, Raijouta. He learned to shaft and strip mine at a young age and grew muscled and strong for swinging picks and lifting heavy loads. The Brotherhood of Magma grew and Annoying grew with it. Annoying has come to resent his name and instead prefers to be called 63 or 309, his two favorite numbers. 63 still has a tale to tell as he forges the rest of his life in the Mines...


I'm looking for Constructive Criticism here and or suggestions.

Minecrafter309

Excellent. We need more people to write.

Side note: I have a bunch of stuff from my creative writing class. Does anyone want to read it?

I wouldn't mind reading your work! In fact, it would probably be a good way to pick up on more techniques (not that my writing is awful; just a tad boring). I might decide to turn my "event" into a story if it goes well in the game.

Thanks Sevyn I will be posting more as I spend more time in the server. I would be happy to hear some of your works as well.

Minecrafter309

I think it was pretty aweseom and sevyn I would like to read it to im open to new storys.

As 309 adjusted to the Brotherhood he adopted a hunched almost crawling posture. He was teased as being a dwarf by all those who did not know of his history. 309 took this in his stride and began to proclaim
" Why yes I am a dwarf!" whenever anyone told him he looked like one.
Unlike most miners his voice did not become rusty and choked, in fact it was quite the opposite. He would go to the surface and take books from stores and libraries. He read them in his spare time underground in his room. He soon became one of the most well-educated and literate Miner or Groundcrawler that there was.
One day as 309 was looking for redstone and diamonds he found a most beautiful gem. At once forgetting his task he hurried up to his room and polished the thing. He kept it in his chest with all of his other personal things, but he soon wanted to see it more and more. He crafted himself a gauntlet out of iron and fastened the jewel inside of it so that it would always be with him.
309 was an excellent miner and ran the only library the Brotherhood had. Many Brothers and Sisters came to him for a book on mining or the surface world, which many of them had never seen let alone walk on it. 309 also tended to the tree, wheat, and reed farms when he was not reading, mining, or eating. 309 needed little sleep, so he always volunteered to guard the Halls and mines from Creepers or Zombies. He could always be seen wearing iron armor when he was on the surface or on guard duty.

Again looking for Constructive Criticism and suggestions.

Minecrafter309

I thought it was pretty good. I do think that your sentinces need go more smoothly into each other but other than that keep wrighting its pure awesomeness.

OOC: I have the entire week off so expect a lot of Lore from me this week, although I'm pretty sick so maybe not. We'll see! By the way the following is not current with server events as I only got to play the week the whitelist was not up. This will probably never happen unless Raijouta ticks me off or something. I will use forum and server characters, this does not reflect on you it is merely part of the story.


309 became curious about the surface as he had only been up to steal books or gather wood if his farm trees weren't growing. He began to surface more and more as time went on and Raijouta noticed it. He questioned 309 whether he was happy in the Mines or not. 309 replied that he would rather live underground but work and make a living above ground. Raijouta admitted that this did make sense and gathered a few Brothers and Sisters who felt the same as 309 did. The group of about 15 Brothers and Sisters ventured out to the surface and traveled to the Capital, the Spawn City. There they talked with LittleMooMoo about where a good settlement would be. MooMoo told them that there was a mountain with relatively flat terrain around it near Ebonheart, the Redd Adventuring Guild's capital. 309 and company completely hollowed the mountain in a fortnight. They established a wheat farm and built a few market stalls outside of the mountain that would be used for trading. The Adventuring Guild obviously noticed this and MaxxOverdrive and a few others came to see and talk with 309. They were angry that they had built and settled so close to them and tensions began to mount......


Again looking for Constructive Criticism or Suggestions

Minecrafter309

I still think it's good im not good at noticing bad stuff but it all looks good

Maxx decided to force the Brotherhood colonists out of their hollowed out mountain. He gathered a force and arrived at the mountain face. He first gave them a show of force but to no affect. 309 had built himself an observatory on top and he looked out on them with distaste. He ordered the TNT cannon to be fired at Maxx's feet. This angered Maxx greatly and he and his forced charged the mountain. The sun was blotted out by the arrows pouring from the dispensers embedded in the rock. A miner set off the lava moat and destroyed the bridge. Maxx had no option but to construct bunkers from the arrows and out of the range of the dual TNT cannons that incessantly pounded the ground around the mountain. Maxx sent a group of pirates in ships around the mountain to attempt to catch them by surprise, but 309 saw them from his observatory. 309 knew that the arrows would do no good against the thick hull of the pirate ships and his cannons did not have the ability to turn 180 degrees. He and nine other warriors put on a contraption that allowed them to see and breathe, for a limited time, underwater. They set off to each of the ships and attempted to make a hole in their hull. 309 and his partner managed to get a hole about as big as a slimeball into their ship. Three other two man teams also managed to achieve this as well. One team was not so lucky. They were spotted and shot with harpoons. 309 got the remaining seven warriors back safely. The ships limped towards the shore and began to disembark......

Looking for Constructive Criticism and Suggestions. What should I write about and or who?

Minecrafter309